


Touch

by ravensurana



Series: Take Me By The Hand [5]
Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: ASL, Amaya knows what she wants, Deaf Character, F/F, Gren is a cinnamon roll, JANAYA IS CANON Y'ALL, Janai is a useless lesbian, actually KSL, enemies to friends to ???, who ships them so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22605142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravensurana/pseuds/ravensurana
Summary: Janai knows she'll have to return to Lux Aurea soon. And when she does, she and Amaya will have to make a difficult choice.
Relationships: Amaya/Janai (The Dragon Prince)
Series: Take Me By The Hand [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620031
Comments: 11
Kudos: 169





	Touch

The shadows at the base of the Spire are already stretching long by the time Janai makes her way back to the top of the stairs, her legs aching, her stomach growling. Supper is being served far below in the soldiers’ mess, but Janai is growing weary of the sheer _noise_ of the encampment.

It’s a troubling thought--usually, she welcomes the bustle of her troops hard at work. But her sleepless night has left her easily distracted, oversensitive. She’s spent the last hour thinking longingly of the cool quiet of the Dragon Queen’s chambers. Of taking the chance to rest from all the expectations piled upon her, to rebuild her mental fortitude before throwing herself back into the fray.

She lets out a long, calming breath as she steps into the first chamber, the sun’s heat leaving her skin. Voices from the chamber below tell her that the Spire is far from unoccupied--but they’re still quieter than the roar of a mealtime army, and enticing smells waft up to say that everyone here is eating, too. Good--Janai only grabbed a bun before heading up the Spire, hoping to find something more once she’d gathered her thoughts.

Stepping down the stairs, she glances left and right. Left, the children are crowded around a cloth piled high with food, chattering excitedly with a handful of Amaya’s soldiers. Shrill laughter makes Janai wince, and she turns her gaze to the right--where Amaya sits companionably beside Gren upon her sleeping pallet, legs crossed, a half-forgotten meal at her side. She’s already removed her armor for the night, though the stack of sealed messages beside her makes it clear that she doesn’t intend to sleep for a while yet.

Amaya is reading over one of the reports now, brows drawn down in concentration, and Janai can’t help noticing the intensity in Amaya’s gaze, even when she’s doing something so mundane. Hard at work, even when stopping to rest.

Janai can’t help but think about how good it feels when that intensity is turned toward her.

Shaking the thought from her mind, Janai makes her way down the wide stairs. She comes to a stop at the bottom, waiting until Amaya sets the report aside before moving closer. "May I sit here?" Janai asks, basking in the smile that lights Amaya’s face.

Amaya nods at once, scooping up the messages and setting them aside. She pats the pallet beside her, then signs something too rapid for Janai to follow. "Have you eaten yet?" Gren interprets, to Janai’s relief--she hates having to ask Amaya to repeat herself.

Janai shakes her head, holding up the bun. "I grabbed something in the camp," she says. "I just wanted to eat somewhere... quieter."

There’s a knowing light in Amaya’s eyes when she nods this time, and Janai settles beside her with an unanticipated flutter of trepidation. The memory of this morning still eats at Janai, shame and self-recrimination. She’s replayed the moment dozens of times in the intervening hours, fixating on the what-ifs. What if she’d chosen a different place for the spar? What if it had ended sooner, before anyone came to investigate?

What if she’d thrown caution to the wind and just allowed herself to indulge in what she desperately wanted, despite her myriad concerns? What she still desperately wants?

Because Janai _wants_ Amaya. That much, at least, is clear to her. It’s easy to want Amaya. Amaya, with eyes like gemstones, skin so soft beneath Janai’s fingertips, taut muscles pressing her into the dirt, wicked mouth quirking upward not a handsbreadth from Janai’s own this morning--

Janai tears herself away from these thoughts, takes in a calming breath. Amaya has turned her attention to Gren, signing something Janai still can’t follow. He nods, stands, steps away and leaves the two of them alone.

Quashing an irrational urge to call him back, Janai turns so Amaya can see her face. Her first impulse is to ask about the messages Amaya was reading, but her knowledge of Amaya’s language is far too rudimentary for Janai to understand the answers without considerable effort on Amaya’s part. "How are your ribs?" Janai asks instead, and can’t stop herself from reaching out, brushing one hand against Amaya’s side.

Amaya glances down, nods. "Good," she signs, and stretches in demonstration. "They don’t hurt as much as before. Even after our spar."

Her eyes sparkle at the reminder, and Janai swallows hard. She’s grateful for Gren’s return, saving her from coming up with a rejoinder.

Gren smiles wide, presenting Janai with a folded cloth. Amaya grins, nudges Janai as she accepts it. "It’s nothing special," Gren interprets, glancing curiously between the two of them, "but it’s better than what you fed me in Lux Aurea."

Janai laughs, her heart lightening with the reminder of that first night in camp--and with Gren’s execrable pronunciation of the last two words. She presses thanks to her chin, unwraps the parcel to reveal a trio of triangular biscuits, their fillings a variety of bright colors.

"Barius apparently wouldn’t rest until he’d set up an oven," Gren tells them both, his fingers moving in time with his spoken words. He nods toward the children. "He takes his duties to the King very seriously."

Amaya laughs. "I’m glad Ezran inspires such loyalty," she says, a soft fondness in her expression that makes Janai’s heart twinge. Once again, Janai is impressed with Gren--his own voice sounds so different from Amaya’s. When he speaks her words, he’s speaking _as_ Amaya, putting all the emphasis and inflection into her words that her hands do.

Janai bites into one of the triangles, and her eyes widen--it’s some sort of fruit tart, flavored dough wrapped around a warm, soft filling. "It’s so sweet!" she says. Almost too sweet for her tastes, though the filling is sharp enough to balance it. "You eat these for supper?"

"In Katolis, we do," Amaya says. Her expression goes distant, almost melancholy. "They were Sarai’s favorite--she would eat them for every meal, if she could. Once she became Queen, the tradition spread to the rest of the kingdom. On her birthday, we don’t eat anything savory. It’s our way of remembering her."

Janai flinches, chilled by the reminder--then brushes her fingers against Amaya’s, swallowing another bite of tart. "Khessa would have loved that," she says, the words soft. "She loved throwing elaborate birthday celebrations for me."

The conversation falters then. Janai turns her attention back to the tarts. Amaya picks up her half-finished letter, takes a bite of her own food.

It’s strange, Janai muses. When she entered the room, she was anxious. Overwhelmed. Yet just sitting here with Amaya, exchanging pleasantries, she feels as though she can take on anything.

Amaya finishes reading, sets the letter aside. She glances at Janai’s face, then back to her unfinished stack of parchment--and turns away from the reports. Facing Janai fully. "On my birthday, I spar," she says, a smile tugging at her lips. "With my entire regiment."

"Why am I not surprised?" Janai asks, the mental image making her grin.

"No one can land a hit on me," Amaya says, the signs matter-of-fact. Her smile widens. "So my troops were very interested in the woman who managed just that in our spar this morning."

Janai glances instinctively down at her bruised knuckles, heat rising in her at the memory. The breathless look on Amaya’s face, Janai’s punch landing with surprising force against firm muscle, the instinctive urge to stop and kiss it better--

Amaya leans in, rests one hand momentarily on Janai’s shoulder. "I had fun this morning," she says. "Did you?"

"I did," Janai answers. It’s such an inadequate reply, but she can’t come up with a better one. Not when Amaya is so close, looking at her so earnestly.

Amaya tips her head, her gaze searching. "Do you want to go another round sometime? Somewhere… more private, where we’re less likely to be disturbed?"

Janai sucks in a breath at the implication. Recalls the sensation of Amaya’s body pressed against her own, warm and wanting, only a thin barrier of cloth between them. Her answer should be easy-- _yes, certainly, when?_

She isn’t new to desire. And yet she feels like she did as a teenager, hesitant and unsure of what to say to her first love.

But... Khessa helped her then. Khessa helped Janai far more than Janai had ever realized, until suddenly, Khessa couldn’t even help herself....

Janai wants to stop thinking about her. But she can’t--Khessa is just as much a part of this conversation as Janai herself is. If Janai and Amaya truly wish to... to try, to acknowledge what this is between them, then Janai will have to come to terms with the fact that her sister might never have approved. That her _people_ might never approve.

And if Janai becomes queen?

The thought _hurts,_ tearing at her. That was always Khessa’s role. But… at some point, Janai will have to make a decision. Whether it will be more harm than good to have a human at her side--because that’s where Amaya will be, if she wishes it. Janai won’t be content with some secret dalliance, treating Amaya like something to be ashamed of.

The children make it look so easy, humans and elves standing as one. They’re inseparable, the continent united already within them. But can Janai truly do the same?

"I don’t know," Janai says at last, the words tumbling from her. Disjointed and messy. "I want to--I can’t, I’d love to, but--"

She presses her lips together, stilling the flood. There’s no point in confusing them both with stuttered half-sentences. She breathes in deep, holds it, breathes out. Starts again. "I want to," she says again, finally daring to meet Amaya’s gaze. All but loses herself again at the intensity she finds there. "But the two of us--we’re not exactly… precedented," she says, grimacing at the inadequate words.

Amaya’s smile goes wry. "That’s true," she says. "But do you want to try, anyway?"

Janai wants to say yes, _yearns_ to, but all of her words have crumbled to ash. Sifting through her fingers, spilling on the ground at her feet. She draws a deep breath and shrugs. The gesture feels cowardly. Not a no, but definitely not a yes.

"Well, I’d like that," Amaya says, the signs soft with understanding. "Is it all right if I tell you why?"

Janai nods. That much, at least, she can manage.

Amaya nods back, a firm gesture, her hands already moving. She seems just as certain now as she has been in everything else, and Janai allows herself a pang of envy for the ease with which Amaya seems to _feel_.

"When I first met you, I hated you," Amaya says. Motions sharp, lip curled in disgust. "I saw you as a threat. A monster."

Janai offers an understanding half-smile. She’d felt much the same, back then. Was it truly only weeks ago?

Amaya’s face softens. "But when I learned more about you, I realized you were just like me. Afraid for your people. Willing to sacrifice yourself to save them. Humans had done something terrible, and you were right to fear us."

"It was retaliation," Janai says, the words quiet. "I can see that now. See how much this war has hurt both our people, over the years."

From the corner of her vision, she can see Gren’s hands moving. Amplifying _Janai’s_ words, to make certain Amaya doesn’t miss any of them.

Amaya’s smile is wry, almost self-deprecating. "I hated Xadia because it stole my sister," she says. "But it wasn't your fault Viren led us there. I'd let myself be trapped by hate for too long. And...."

She hesitates for a long, long moment before her fingers move again. "Once I started to let go of that hate, I could finally see you for what you really are." Her hand rises toward Janai, then falters--as though she wants to touch Janai, but doesn’t quite dare. It’s the first time Janai has seen her so uncertain. The gesture tugs at Janai’s heart, hard. "A good woman. Strong, brave. Kind to someone you had no reason to be kind to, afraid for the fate of an enemy."

Janai glances aside, startled at the catch in Gren’s voice. His eyes are wide, his upturned lips trembling. He swallows hard, speaks Amaya’s next words. "I think I started to fall for you then."

Amaya laughs, chuffing Gren on the shoulder as he sniffs back tears. She signs to him, something rapid and amused.

Janai scarcely notices. _Fall for you,_ she thinks, those three words caught in a loop. Pulsing in her head, trembling in her limbs. Because Amaya’s right, that _is_ what this feels like. Freefalling, spiralling downward, with the thrill of the plunge singing through her.

Terrified of the crash when she finally hits the ground.

"I think I started to fall for you when you stopped me from falling," Janai says. The words tumble from her so rapidly that she almost forgets to make certain Amaya is looking at her. "And I’m still falling. Every time I see you take charge of a desperate situation, or rush in to save someone no matter the risk to yourself, I fall a little farther."

She surges forth, emboldened by Amaya’s words, the confirmation of things Janai had only suspected. By the way Amaya smiles at her, the light in Amaya’s eyes. "But it isn’t that easy. Just falling isn’t enough," Janai says, then wishes she could take the words back.

But no. She _should_ say these things, everything, even the hard parts. If she and Amaya actually do want to make this work--whatever _this_ is--it needs a strong foundation. And if something she says here is enough to keep them apart, then better she say it now than later, when they’re in even deeper.

Amaya tilts her head, raises an inquisitive eyebrow. Janai forges onward, fingers fluttering uselessly in her lap. "You’re a human," she says, getting the obvious out of the way. "And that shouldn’t matter to me. You’re so much more than that. You’re clever, and compassionate, and bold. You make me smile when I’m at my lowest, give me strength when I’m exhausted. But I still can’t stop thinking about it. About whether my troops will lose respect for me, look at me with mistrust for ‘consorting with the enemy'. Desert, even. About..." she takes a deep breath, forces the words out. "About what might await us back in Lux Aurea."

Understanding lights Amaya’s face. "Succession?" she asks, something painful flickering in her gaze.

Janai nods, grateful that Amaya can make sense of her tangled words. "There’s the Council. I have a brother. And… and we’ve seen humans as the enemy for so long," she says, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "Untrustworthy. Warlike. Certain members of the Council were already whispering about my ‘sympathy’ for you, even before Viren’s attack." She shivers. "It’s possible they’ll agitate to install my brother on the throne, to exile me ‘for the good of our people’."

She fumbles for words, loses them. Bites her lip, fighting down the maelstrom of conflicting emotions raging within her. Grief. Fear. _Hope._ "And yet… I still find myself wanting to try. I want you. I want to _be_ with you, to show our people that there can be something more between us than old grudges, old hatreds."

Amaya takes a trembling breath, reaches toward Janai again, the pain on her features wrenching Janai’s heart. She nods, and Amaya’s hand brushes her cheek, warm.

Janai leans into the sensation, exhaling long. Shouldn’t this mean more to her, she thinks, than any worries about what outside forces might try to do to them? The fact that Amaya makes her feel at home, feel _safe_ , and that Amaya wants to make her feel that way?

 _But is that enough?_ Janai wonders, pinching her eyes closed. _If we return to Lux Aurea together, will that be enough to sustain us? Will she be willing to leave her home, her people, if I become queen--to be the only human in a city that hates and fears her kind?_

Gentle fingers meet her chin, tilt her head up. Janai opens her eyes, looks at Amaya looking at her.

She could just _ask_.

"Is that even possible?" The words spill from her, and she gestures deliberately between them. " _You. Me. Together._ We’ll be working against a thousand years of war. Of hate."

Amaya nods, her lips pressed tightly together. "We will," she says, using her right hand as little as possible. The better to keep touching Janai. "But I’m willing to try, if you are."

"But _why_?" Janai asks, with a helpless sort of laugh. "There must be dozens of more suitable people for you to pursue."

Amaya gives her a shrewd look. "And what about you?" she asks. "Why are you having this discussion with a human, instead of an elf?"

Janai’s eyes widen.

"I don’t want to _be_ in a relationship," Amaya says, her face so serious. "I want to have a relationship with _you_. I have ever since that moment in the throne room. You wanted to intimidate me, dragged me before the queen--and then argued for me, in front of everyone there. I don’t know what you said. I don’t know everything _she_ said, though Kazi told me some of it later."

Her face softens. "All I knew was that when everything came down to it, you were willing to defend me, even though I was a human. Even though I’d killed your people, invaded your land. You saw something in me that made you fight for me, and even though I was angry, and upset, and kind of still wanted to... kick your ass," Gren says hesitantly, and Janai can’t help but bite back a smile despite the tumult of emotion within her, "I couldn’t help but respond to that."

Then Amaya’s smile twists, still so close to Janai. "And it doesn’t hurt that you’re incredibly attractive."

Laughter spills from Janai’s lips, the bright sound startling her. "Even though I’m an elf?"

"Even so," Amaya says, her eyes gleaming, Gren’s voice trembling with suppressed laughter. "The first time I saw you standing there--blade in hand, your eyes determined, your skin glowing in the orange light--I was so angry. It wasn’t fair that an elf could be that gorgeous."

Janai ducks her head, still smiling. "Is this the wrong time to tell you I love women with facial scars?"

Amaya laughs, leans closer, trails her fingers down Janai’s cheek. Along the lines of her golden battle-markings? "I’m willing to stand beside you, before my people. Not ‘even though’ you’re an elf, but because I _want_ to. I want to be with _you_ , horns and ears and all. And I understand if you can’t do the same."

Janai shudders, Amaya’s words echoing through her, sinking into her core. Resonating with the feelings deep within Janai’s heart, half-buried by everything else she’s been working through. _I want that, too,_ she thinks, even if she can’t say it yet. _I want to stand with you, before_ my _people, and dare anyone to come between us._

And Janai can feel, with a bone-deep certainty, how much it would already hurt to pull away. To deny whatever-this-is, no matter the reason. Her interest is far more than a fascination with Amaya’s words, far more than the forbidden thrill of consorting with the enemy. It’s a bond built on shared pain, shared grief, shared _love_. What’s between them is already growing solid as bedrock, despite its newness. Even though Janai can barely see more than their immediate surroundings, she can feel it stretching off into the distance, and she can’t fathom how far it might extend. If she allows it.

Janai still can't find her words, can't push them past everything within her. But... have she and Amaya ever truly needed words?

She glances to the side, toward the shadowed corner created by the stairs. Catches Amaya’s gaze, nods toward the corner. Shivers at the slow smile that spreads across Amaya’s face.

They push themselves up, and Janai trembles with anticipation as, together, they step into the cool dark, claiming this moment of privacy for themselves alone.

Their eyes meet, and Amaya reaches out, hesitating just shy of touching Janai. Waiting for confirmation? Janai swallows hard, tips her head. Feels the rough lines of Amaya’s burned hand press so softly against her face, just like yesterday. It feels so long ago.

‘Later’, Amaya had promised then.

And somehow, with Amaya standing before her, Janai has the courage to face her soldiers. And somehow, with Amaya’s fingertips warm against her cheek, Janai thinks it won’t be so hard to convince the Council, after all.

And somehow, Janai has taken another step, and all she can see is _Amaya_ , a sweep of brown hair and a scarred cheek and a smile brighter than the sun--

Janai closes the distance between them at last.

Amaya’s chapped lips are warm, inviting. Tinged with lingering sweetness. One of Janai’s hands trails up the shorter woman’s throat. Cupping her chin, feeling the thrum of her pulse. The other pulls Amaya insistently closer. Finds the hem of her jacket at the small of her back.

Janai isn’t surprised when she realizes Amaya’s hands are already on her. One grips her waist. Holding her flush against Amaya, angling their hips together. The other is threading into her hair, tugging at her locs. Little shivers dancing down her spine.

Amaya’s fingers curl against the sensitive skin at the base of one horn. Janai’s eyelids flutter closed. Her own fingertips tease below the cloth at Amaya’s back, tracing along one hipbone. A soft little gasp against Janai’s mouth sends a frisson of warmth through her. Catching in sparks at her fingertips, her toes, between her legs. She’s growing dizzy, but can’t tell if it’s from lack of air or from the graze of Amaya’s teeth on her bottom lip. The slow patterns Amaya is tracing on her scalp.

Janai pulls away just enough to catch her breath, tracing her gaze over flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. Amaya shakes her head, a softly pleading cast to her features that makes Janai clutch at her to stay upright. A laugh is stifled against Amaya’s lips as she tugs Janai back down, clearly nowhere near done with her yet.

The frantic energy is dissipating, though, leaving them with soft touches and slow motions. Feeling each other out, a quiet exploration of how well they fit together. The curious brush of fingertips against small, round ears. Light kisses across painted cheeks.

They break apart at last, flushed and gasping for air, grinning foolishly at one another. Janai puffs out another laugh, smoothing down Amaya’s ruffled hair. "This isn’t going to be easy," she says.

Amaya nods, and glances aside at Gren, who sits turned prudently away, staring as though fascinated by the wall across from him. Janai clears her throat to catch his attention, tugging Amaya back into the light.

Gren is grinning fit to burst as he turns back to face them, but Amaya’s words in his voice are steady. Certain. Edged with laughter. "Good things rarely are."

"I still don’t know how any of my people will react," Janai says, some of the humor leaving her at the thought. "But you’re right. I’m willing to try, to work for this. It’s important to me. _You’re_ important to me." She hesitates, glances away, forces herself to face Amaya. "And I’ll need to take it slow. I’ve spent my whole life hating you. I’m still," she swallows hard, willing her voice not to break, "I’ll be in formal mourning, once I return to Lux Aurea. And I _will_ have to return. My people need me there."

Amaya nods again, still so certain. "I’ll come with you," she says. "If you’ll let me."

Janai’s eyes widen. "But your people, your troops--"

"Are hard workers," Amaya says, signing so quickly that Janai thinks she must have been rehearsing this. For how long? "They’re no longer needed to guard the Breach. What better task for them than to rebuild what humans have destroyed? And we’ll need ambassadors, if our lands are to work together. I’ve passed the Light’s test, and I’m well-connected in Katolis. I might be the only person who _can_ take the job." She smiles up at Janai, open and warm and hopeful. "If you’ll have me."

Janai can’t deny the appeal of the offer. To have Amaya beside her as she returns to her ruined home. To have Amaya’s aid in restoring the gleaming white buildings and the tranquil canals. In bringing hope to Janai’s people, rallying them against the threat of Viren, leading them to fight alongside the humans they’ve been apart from for far too long.

To wake in the morning, _every_ morning, and know that there’s someone there with her, standing as a bulwark against anything the world might throw their way....

She holds out one hand, and Amaya takes it, beaming like the sunrise.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaand that's it for this Femslash February! I'm far from done, but it's going to be a while before I can get more written and beta'd. I've already started work on the modern AU I was considering, though, and it promises to be pretty exciting ^^
> 
> I love you all--thank you for your reblogs, kudos, and especially your comments! I hope you enjoyed the ride!!!
> 
> Edited to the dulcet tones of 'All This and Heaven Too' by Florence + the Machine


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